Introduction

:o Introduction

Why is this ebook worth your time?

You may have seen many books, ebooks, websites and newsletters on the subjects of coaching and NLP, promising instant results.

You may have experienced many training programs that promised to give you easy answers and foolproof recipes for success.

And while you may have realised that none of this was realistic ‘as stated on the tin’, you still wondered what parts might work for you.

This book is the result of ten years training, coaching and mentoring rising executives and highlights ideas and concepts from using NLP in a coaching and mentoring context that have helped people move towards their ambitions and dreams.

If you are genuinely interested in your own development, in getting the most from your career and life and playing your part in your business and it?s aspirations then this ebook will be an important step forward on your journey.
This ebook is written for you as both as a rising executive and coach and also recognises that being a coach may also be part of your own personal journey of learning and development.

What could you get from reading this ebook?

A firm grounding in coaching and NLP

Ideas that that, when taken on board, will make a genuine and positive difference to and for you

Perhaps even the start of an exiting new adventure which will result in a step change in your career and enjoyment of life

Some powerful and pragmatic questions to ask both as coach and client
While this ebook is titled ?A useful Guide to NLP as a Coach? many of the skills and techniques apply to mentoring, leadership, sales, managing change and consulting as well as coaching.

What are coaching and mentoring?

In most of the companies we’ve worked in at various management levels over the past 10 years, different people have very different views and expectations from coaches, mentors and change agents.

Some of these different views make it harder to establish the benefits and distinctions of these interventions and yet also underline the need for different approaches based on an organisation?s varied and changing needs.

An organisation and its managers have a very wide range of needs and in order to serve those needs we have to identify the professional roles that can support organisational development and change.

Change at the individual or organisational level follows the same underlying pattern and what matters are the abilities of the person facilitating that change as a coach, mentor, consultant and leader.

All of these roles perform the task of helping an individual or organisation move from their current situation to something that they aspire to. In an simplified scenario, the client or organisation is in a present condition and wants to move to some other condition. That movement or change requires action, and the role of the coach is to help the client to plan and manage a series of action steps which bring about the desired change.

Part of the coach or mentor?s role is likely to involve establishing the current situation and true aspirations of the organisation or individual. Often, consultants, coaches and managers assume that the perceived current situation is accurate, when in fact it may not be for many reasons ranging from insufficient information to blind optimism or even the deliberate misreporting of performance data. This is dangerous because in order to accurately navigate to your destination, you need to know exactly where you are now.

An ?ideal world? coaching model is shown in the diagram above. The generic approaches to coaching that are based on it fail not because of a flaw in the coaching process but because the world is not ideal. Clients are not always where they think they are, and what they want is not always what they really want, and so any action plan must take this into account.

Imagine that you have satellite navigation in your car and that it is telling you to ?turn right?. You look out of the window and cannot see a right turn. Where is the fault?

There have been many instances of lorries getting stuck under low bridges because the satellite navigation didn?t take that detail into account. The route only makes sense when the present location and destination are accurate, and when the route has a useful relationship to ?reality?.

Individuals and organisations often set goals that are not true to their actual intentions or aspirations because they are based on the expectations of others. For example, someone might pursue a promotion because of his or her perception of what friends, family and managers expect, even if it is not really what they want. Rather than succeeding or failing, the person ends up in between the two, wasting energy that could be directed into real achievement.

Companies often set a direction based on the needs of the market, their customers, stakeholders and competitors and again try to swim against the current of their own true intentions and needs. The result may be moderate success, but in a competitive market, that inevitably leads to failure of the business or venture.

The value of NLP to a coach or mentor is therefore in having a set of tools and techniques for managing the difference between the ?ideal world? coaching model and the ?real world? of the client?s situation. Where the client is missing or hiding information that is vital to understanding their current situation, a skilled coach can use NLP to align the client?s perceptions with reality so that any action plan is much more effective in achieving the results that the client seeks.

The organisation or individual client is responsible for wanting and choosing the outcome, for making the change, and for taking a view on the value of the intervention. The coach and mentor agent is responsible for facilitating the change; for identifying the steps and putting forward their recommendations.

The client has to take responsibility for implementing those recommendations, otherwise they do not take ownership of the outcome.

How directive or non-directive that facilitation is depends on the context and the individuals involved. In my experience, change is most likely to ’stick’ where the individuals concerned have worked out the answers for themselves. However they often need a few missing pieces, ideas or parts of a strategy to make the change work effectively.

I differentiate between coaching, where the focus is more on a single outcome such as increasing sales revenues or customer service scores, and mentoring where there are complex and often competing outcomes such as managing stakeholders? expectations or personal career aspirations.

In his book ‘The Element’, Sir Ken Robinson suggests that mentors have four key roles. They recognise our talents, they encourage us, they facilitate us and they stretch us.

In my experience the coaching that has the greatest value to an organisation is directed at their high performers and key influencers, and that with the continual ‘delayering’ of middle management, the coaches, mentors and change agents become an important ‘knowledge store’ within the organisation.
Coaches are often engaged to support ?high potential? managers who have been identified as having the raw skills and talent to become the leaders of the business in the future.

Succession planning and talent management programs help groups of high potential managers to build their support networks and develop the skills, relationships and experience to shape the business and ensure its continuing success.

It is also important to allow the organisation to evolve; to ensure that tomorrow?s leaders do not perpetuate today?s cultural issues.
Why will coaching become more important?

As organisations become more complex, traditional management hierarchies disappear and the drive for performance accelerates. ?Top down? structures are being replaced with matrix management systems. People move around the organisation more often and there is a greater focus on exploiting tacit knowledge over establishing systems and processes. Relationships rather than roles drive the business and the speed of decision making has increased dramatically thanks to new communication technologies.

Amongst all of this, many people no longer enjoy a consistent management relationship and must look elsewhere for their personal and professional development.

A coach can support targeted changes in the business such as increasing sales performance or managing change whereas a mentor can be a longer term guide. Both supplement the traditional management structure, enabling a more flexible, more adaptable and more successful business.

In working with hundreds of clients and colleagues in dozens of companies, I have found that people who succeed in the corporate environment:

Develop a good relationship with and add value to their managers and manager?s peers

Develop a good relationship with and add value to their key stakeholders

Develop career options and revenue streams that are separate to and non-competitive with their current employer

Improve performance in their current role

You may be surprised by point 3, yet when you think about it you may recognise this in yourself or some of your colleagues. What many people do is to ?hedge their bets?. They have one foot in each camp, saying they are committed to their manager yet reading job adverts at lunchtime and accepting calls from recruiters. They dream about what they want to do and resent their manager or employer for not letting them do it.

People who develop non-competitive outside interests are often more fully committed to the success of their current organisation.

When they are at work, they are at work, and will be until they either go home for the day or they resign. The people who hedge their bets are present in body but not in spirit, and this is obvious in their performance. The people who commit to those different ventures are open about it.

Coaching and mentoring can be extremely valuable to the individual and organisation in getting people to commit themselves to the pursuit of their goals.

A or F?

—Quote—
Seeing the letter A before an exam can improve a student’s exam result while exposure to the letter F may make a student more likely to…

A Little Guidance for a Friend & Her Daughter

I am not looking for over the net coaching just ideas really if anyone has any…
I am slightly concerned for my friends daughter who is…

How do I stop feeling so anxious about how others perceive my acting?

I have recently started out in the acting game and have done a number of performances where I have been able to immediately relate to the character I was playing. I found this an easy process from the first rehearsal to performance. However I am playing a character now who is a disabled person and a polar opposite to how I am in real life, personality wise as well as physically. Anyway, I get incredibly self conscious sometimes when I am rehearsing. It does not hinder my performance to make it unplayable, as the director has told me I have been doing the part well, however there is still that little snag in my subconscious that is making me wonder if I am actually looking stupid. It does not stop me performing as it goes away when I am speaking, but it creeps up when I am doing some background acting as the character. I feel a spare part when I am not talking. The feeling in my head is like having an itch that you can’t scratch while running a marathon. You are concentrating on your running and it is not putting you off your running, but you know it is still there and is causing discomfort but you just ignore it and get on with it. Well, it’s like that. I can perform but that little snag outside of my conscious thought where I am wondering if I am "actually" getting it right or looking stupid, is causing me to perform at about 80% when I know I can give more if I could just do it without that subconscious thought of how my fellow actors are judging my performance.

If i’m worried about my fellow actors judging my performance i’m going to feel even more anxious whether I am acting stupid or not when I go out and perform in a months time. I was once told by a former teacher during my training in drama school that I am one of the most inconsistent actors she has ever come across. That’s because i’ve felt this subconscious mental fog before in drama school when playing a character that is really far away from who I am but it was much easier then as I knew everyone in my class, so it was totally different to rehearsing in front of actors I hardly know. It’s like the feeling has amplified now I am out on my own.

Anyway, my question is, how can I stop being so self conscious when acting characters I find challenging to play? I’ve never met anyone who seems to have this trouble so I can’t ask any of my acting friends for advice plus they would think I am incapable if I admit to feeling like this and I don’t want to hinder my chances of getting future work. I’m wondering if there are any techniques, or NLP methods or something to make me focus on what I am doing without the fear of wondering how others are judging me while I do it. I just want to feel free when playing challenging roles as I do when I play roles I find easy to play. When I play roles that I find easy, I know I am getting it right so I know I am looking correct. However when playing this role, I just don’t know how I am doing. Also when I audition, even for challenging roles, I never feel an ounce of inhibition or nerves and it was the same when I auditioned for this role, but after getting it, I’ve just found rehearsing to be so difficult due to wondering how others are viewing me. It would be very much appreciated if anyone has any wise words for me, so I no longer wonder how others are perceiving my acting of this character?

Thank You!
Thank you for taking the time to offer your advice. Everything you put, I am already aware of and I tell myself that before a rehearsal. However I still have a mild mental annoyance which I can feel in my head. I am concentrating on the external. Reacting to the external and never switching off. However internally I feel as though I am myself playing a character where as in previous roles I have felt as though I actually AM the character, which has made the process effortless. Is my internal focus wrong for this role do you think? It’s hard to talk about acting so if any working stage actors are reading it would be interesting to hear from you because you will know what I am on about. Thanks!

I bet you got the personality that doesn’t like routine. It’s difficult pinpointing why you feel awkward with certain characters especially when you need to rehearse them over and over but from what you wrote, I couldn’t help think of a few things. One, you can’t please everybody when playing difficult parts, this goes for real life too. Two, you have to learn to feel comfortable when not talking. You simply have this character trait confronting you even under certain circumstances in real life, I wouldn’t be surprised why it emerges during rehearsals of disabled characters. You need to dig deep within yourself, accept that it is there so you can deal with it. Allow me to be blunt, but you can’t always be “the star”. If you can’t handle yourself being once in a while in the background, the question then remains if you deserve “bigger” roles. I would start appreciating the minor things of acting whether it’s on or off stage. Playing parts of disabled people is something admirable and no matter what role you play it remains an art. Here’s where you should step in and make your mark with full confidence ….as an artist! There’s always room for improvement, even yourself as a person. Feeling this type of insecurity has hurt many actors because they allowed it. Indeed stop worrying and take action steps.

Mind Control – The Subliminal Truth!

The fear that our personal liberties and freedom of thought may be controlled covertly is of such a concern that subliminal messages have been banned from television and radio since the 1970s. However, it may frighten you to know that your mind is still being conditioned without your knowledge or your consent!

How to Secretly Hypnotize Someone As You Speak

If you want to learn ‘how to hypnotize someone’ or more accurately ‘how to induce a mind state that is close to being in hypnosis’ then you need to know three fundamental ideas behind inducing that kind of state, and they are trance language, body language and tonality. Trance language is the way of speaking where you engage the senses of the listener. If you read novels you will intuitively know what I’m talking about.

What Are the Best Persuasive Language Techniques? Learn Persuasive Communication Skills Today

Being able to persuade someone without them knowing via spoken language will literally change your life, beyond belief. Once you gain the ability to be persuasive you can influence others to do what you want, and become much more successful in business, friendships, dating and in life in general. Today you are going to learn a couple of the best persuasive language techniques that will enable you to start learning covert persuasion and conversational hypnosis.

The Effectiveness of Self Hypnosis Audios

In the beginning of the majority hypnosis programs you will hear an section that will put you in a relaxed state of mind, called induction. For many years now, it has been very common for hypnotists to produce self hypnosis audio recordings to market and promote themselves. But instead of tapes and CDs, more and more hypnotists are turning to downloadable MP3’s, because of the low cost it takes to create and distribute it.

Self Confidence Hypnosis – Who Needs It

As actively promoted by its proponents, self confidence hypnosis may be helpful to those who have fears in these common scenarios: public speaking, socializing with people or going to job interviews. Immediately, a person who may be intrigued by hypnosis but don’t believe that he has self confidence issues may be convinced that he has no use for it. The fact is, hypnosis is not just limited to overcoming anxiety in speaking to large crowds.

Hypnosis Vs Subliminal Messages – What’s the Difference?

When you watch TV and suddenly have the unexplainable urge to buy the product in the commercial that you just saw, you might wonder if you experienced a form of hypnosis. Then comes the frightening question: Can someone in the form of an advertisement be able to use hypnosis on you without you even knowing it?